Internal Balance

I don't know if it is normal or not, but I have an almost constant battle with myself about the level of activity in my life. I'm not talking about exercise, because I'll be the first person to tell you that I suck at that. Period. I am referring to the stuff we do to fill up our schedule.

After a particularly recluse weekend, I feel like I am turning into a hobbit and quickly make plans to do something at least every other day for the following week and weekend. But then as soon as that busy spurt is over, I feel like I need some R&R so I take a break and stay at home for the week or weekend.

I can't really say that it is a lazy weekend, since it means I have a lot of catching up to do around the house (laundry, dishes, vacuuming, yard work, etc). This is something I pretty much constantly struggle with. I want to do stuff with my friends, but even then we have the limiting factor of finances.

Is this something that anyone else battles with? I don't know if it is rational or not. Sometimes I wonder if it stems from my childhood. When I was little, our days were fairly lax, spending the evenings at home or with a friend. Maybe a couple times a month, my parents would set it up so we could spend a day with another family (more often in the summer). At least that's what it feels like when I think back on it.

But then when I got into high school and my parents divorced, they went through a period of what I like to call "parental revolt". They both spent time finding things to do away from home, such as dating, playing tennis, hanging out with friends and what not. After a year or so of that, things slowed down to almost NO activity. Anything I did during that time was because I made the plans to do so.

Is it because I never properly learned how to live a normal daily life? I feel like I should be past that by now. I am an adult, who can make her own decisions. Problem is, I'm not sure what I should do. I like being social, but after running myself into the ground I need a break. Then I feel guilty about spending several days in a row at home and start the cycle all over again.

Another side of me wonders if it is my OCD personality (I do not have diagnosed OCD, but I do feel that I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies) that pushes towards a fulfilled life. Problem is I have trouble realizing that I'm going overboard until it's too late. What to do, what to do?!?!